Finding My Forever
by Lady Callie
Summary: UPDATE! Early season 2. After a big fight with her mother, Buffy leaves the house on a cold winter evening searching for someone who understands her. BA shippyness! CHAPTER 6! Buffy awakes, is she okay?
1. Winter Walk

Disclamer- Joss owns Buffy and Angel ::sigh:: and the rest of the characters. I'm just renting them..... though I think I might have to renew Angel. ::grin:: Anyways don't sue me becasue you won't get anything.

Rating- PG-13 for mild swearing, possable slight nudity, and general stuff that I don't feel like listing.

Summary- Early Season 2 (no soul loosing in my fic!). After a big fight with her mother, Buffy leaves the house on a cold winter evening- searching for someone who understands her. (B/A shippy)

Authors notes- First thing- this is a slight AU fic so IT CAN SNOW IN SUNNYDALE!!! Second- this is my first Buffy fic and I've only seen 18 episodes because sadly I don't get the WB, FX or UPN. So if if you find any errors that's why. Thirdly- Hugs and a huge box of homemade cookies to my beta boo-QueenGwenyvere. Homegirl, you rock so much. Thanks boo. 

This story is dedicated to my 'Big little sister' Amy. You know who you are. Thanks for hooking me on Buffy my old friend.

Finding My Forever

Buffy Anne Summers kicked angrily at a chunk of loose ice that lay on the snow-covered ground. It skidded several feet down the sidewalk then slid to a stop. Buffy sighed, her breath forming a cloud of fog in the cold night air. Southern California was experiencing the coldest winter in over fifty years; nighttime temperatures were reaching a low of twenty-five, freezing by any standards. There were a good eight inches of snow covering the ground and the weatherman on Channel Seven-Teen predicted another two inches by tomorrow afternoon. While this unusual weather had naturally caused Sunnydale to cancel school for the last three days, it had also slowed the vampire activities. It was harder, though not impossible, for newborn vamps to dig themselves up from their graves with the ground frozen. Of course there was the regular trouble—a demon on Pine Street had tried to break into the grocery store (supposedly he had just wanted some fresh meat), and a vamp had been staked out side the Bronze after he nearly bit the doorman. 

Buffy continued walking through the snow and kicked the ice block again, only this time she used her Slayer strength. The block whizzed down the sidewalk and tore completely through both sides of a trashcan that had gotten in its way, and then vanished into a large snow pile. 

Buffy shoved her hands into her coat pockets and walked a little faster. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew she couldn't go home. She had had a huge fight earlier tonight with her mother, Joyce. After a long and heated argument, her mother told—no _ordered_—Buffy to her bedroom and told her she would stay there until school started again. Joyce would not have her daughter running around town at all hours of the night. Buffy had protested, though her excuse was weak—how was she supposed to bond with her fellow Sunnydaleians if she couldn't stay out late? There was no way she could tell her mother the truth—that she was the Chosen One, the Slayer, the one girl in all the world that could stop the evils that plagued the earth. She didn't spend her evenings hanging at the local hang out, the Bronze, flirting with the male species, but at the school library, searching through two hundred-year-old books with her British Watcher Giles, trying yet again to figure out what new evil was attempting to make the Hellmouth its new home.

Buffy was angry and hurt by her mother's words to her early tonight. 

__

"Why can't you be a normal girl Buffy? What went wrong?"

Buffy jerked a hand out of her pocket to wipe at the tear that threatened to fall. Her mother thought she wanted this life. As if. There wasn't a day that Buffy didn't wish she was a normal girl, and not the Slayer. She longed to have a normal relationship with her mother. And it broke her heart because she couldn't.

Buffy sniffled, and jammed her hand back in her pocket, forcing herself not to cry. She stared straight ahead and didn't blink, the cold air stinging her moist eyes. After a few moments of walk and staring, she calmed down. _"Maybe I can stay with Willow night."_ She thought to herself. Turning left at the next street, she cheered up. Willow would help her, listen to her and give her the understanding her mother couldn't. _"Maybe we'll stay up all night and talk, or make brownies and watch movies."_ Buffy smiled slightly at the thought of warm brownies. _"I'll go to Willow's." _

But her smile faded as she neared the Rosenburg house. The windows were brightly lit, though not with Christmas lights like so many of the houses in Sunnydale were even though Christmas had been over for two weeks, but with Jewish Menorahs, the twelve candles shining. Several of the house lights were on, including the one in Willow's room. But it wasn't the lights that saddened Buffy. It was the sky blue van parked in the driveway. It meant that Oz, Willow's werewolf boyfriend and a fellow Scooby, was over. Buffy stopped just out of the light spilling from the house. She looked up at Willow's window and could make out two forms in the room. Her head dropped, and she turned back the way she came—she wasn't going to drop in on the couple. 

__

"I guess I could go to Xander's." Buffy thought, glancing down the street towards the Harris home. The only light in the house came from two rooms upstairs on opposite sides of the house and the living room, presumably where Xander was parked in front of the TV. Buffy looked at the two upstairs windows and figured Xander's parents were having another fight.

Heaving a tired sigh, Buffy turned away from the Harris residence and walked back downtown. Out of habit she walked through Weatherly Park and Sunnydale cemetery. But all was quiet, for once. The only sounds Buffy heard was the slight breeze rattling through the bare tree branches, her footsteps crunching in the snow and the sound of her breathing. A sudden gust of wind caused Buffy to shiver and hunker down into her coat. _"Brrrr. It's getting kinda cold. I wonder what time it is."_ She pulled her sleeve up, exposing the skin on her arm to the cold air. "Damn it!" Buffy muttered under her breath, "I forgot to wear a watch." She glanced up through the skeleton like trees, searching the sky for stars. The sky was clear and the darkest color of blue. Tiny pinpricks of light twinkled in the velvety darkness like fireflies.

Buffy walked over to a snow-covered bench and brushed off the powdery fluff before sitting down. She glanced around her. The bench was beside a grave and Buffy leaned over and wiped the thin layer of snow off the tombstone so she could read the engravings. 

__

Edward C. Shelton

Birth: May 5th, 1902

Death: August 29th, 1993

'Remember forever beloved'

"Well at least I don't have to worry about you rising anytime soon Mr. Shelton." Buffy joked softly, patting the marker like she would a child. "I hope you found your forever." _"Forever. Angel."_ Buffy gasped slightly. "Why didn't I think of him before? God, I am so brain dead!" _"Angel will be home. I can talk to him. Maybe I can crash at his place tonight."_ Buffy got up and started towards the entrance, but then she paused and went back to the grave. Kneeling down in the snow, she spoke to the marker. "Thank you Mr. Shelton. I know where I can go now. I'm going to my forever, just like you." Buffy rose from her crouch and walked out of the still cemetery, turning right towards the bad part of town. "I'm going to Angel's."

Yes there is more, but I'm still writing it. A review is like a smile- it doesn't take much to make another persons day brighter. ::grin:: Please review! –LadyCallie 


	2. What went wrong?

Many apologies that this took so long. First I had to write it and then FF.N was having all the upgrades and *then* I couldn't log in. Grrrrr. Anyways- here's chapter two. Hugs and flowers to my beautiful beta boo QueenGwenyvere. Without her I couldn't post this fic. And a huge thanks to my "Big sissy" Amy. This is for you girl. All the legal stuff and what not is in the first chapter. This is Buffy/Angel shippyness with a mild plot added for flavor. I have roughly five chapters planned but they may take a while to get here. Please bear with me. I promise Angel will be in the next chapter. 

Buffy huddled deeper into her coat as she hurried across the empty intersection. Sunnydale wasn't a popular town, and being on top of the Hellmouth had killed any hopes for the town's tourist draw. And for as dense as the townsfolk were, it caused the more sensitive people to pick up on the bad vibe the town secreted. The streets were never busy enough to the point of causing one to look both ways more then once before crossing the street. Add in the fact that it was at least an hour past midnight and snowing. Any sane person would be in bed, snuggled in the covers, dreaming of............

__

"What do normal people dream about?" Buffy wondered to herself. _"I can barely remember a time when my dreams weren't about demons or vampires rising from their graves." _She sighed, her breath forming a white cloud in the air. "_Or dreams about my death, or the deaths of my friends. The only good dreams I have anymore are the ones with Angel in them."_ She smiled. Angel. Just the thought of him was enough to make her smile. Angel had always been there for her before, and she knew he'd be there now.

She turned down a side street and then again into an ally. The snow in the ally wasn't the pure white color as it had been in the cemetery—it was a dark dirty brown, littered with bits of trash, cigarette butts, and a few empty beer bottles. But Buffy's eyes weren't looking at the ground. She was starring at a door towards the end of the ally. She quickened her pace to nearly a run_. "Oh Angel. Please be home. Please be home"_' Reaching the door she knocked once, twice, three times. No answer. "Angel? It's me. Open up." Buffy called to the door. A moment passed. While she normally didn't invite herself into the apartment unless Angel knew she was coming before hand and was expecting her, Buffy tried the doorknob. It didn't move. "Damn it!" She swore. _"Why the hell does a vampire need to lock his door?"_ She went over to the window, but the blinds were tightly closed and the window was too high up and, "Way too small for my butt to fit through." 

Buffy groaned, went back to the door and stared at it, willing it to open. Minuets went by but Buffy never blinked. _"Where did you go? I need you and you aren't here."_ Her eyes filled with tears and she blinked, breaking the trance she had fallen in. Her knees buckled and she fell down into the dirty snow, her upper body supported by Angel's unyielding door. Her inner walls collapsed at the same moment her outer walls did. As she lay in the snow, Buffy's mind was assaulted by the memories of her fight with her mother.

__

She had gotten home late. The slaying had been normal, but she had two newborns that decided to take their own sweet time in rising. She had been camped outside of one of the many churches in Sunnydale for over 3 hours before the vamps—a married couple who had been walking to their car after a late-night movie—had appeared. Buffy knew that slaying in the wintertime took longer, but it was too dark in the graveyard to do her homework while she waited, so she had left it at home.

Her mother was waiting for her when she arrived home, Buffy's backpack and schoolbooks scattered across the coffee table. Joyce was holding several papers in her hands, Buffy recognized them to be her latest math test- the one she had failed. Badly. Buffy groaned. She hadn't been planning on showing that paper to her mother. Or any of the other papers that were by her mother.

Joyce looked up from the paper, "When were you going to show this to me?" She indicated the large red F at the top of the page.

"Ummmmm..."

Her mother rose from the couch, the test still in her hand. "You weren't going to tell me about this were you?" Her voice was low and soft, but it wasn't comforting. Her mother used that voice when she was really, really mad.

"I was Mom. I…was just...waiting for the right time."

"The date on this test is over a week old! How long were you going to wait? Another week? A month? Ever?"

"I was going to show it to you. I swear I was!" She knew it sounded bad, and that her mother wasn't buying it.

Joyce was losing patience fast. Suddenly she threw the paper in question across the room. "Don't you dare lie to me Buffy Summers! You know full well that you weren't going to show me that paper!" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Your school called this afternoon. Principal Snyder wants to have a meeting with me as soon as possible. He said you've been cutting classes again and that you missed two major tests in the last month alone." She put her hands on Buffy's shoulders and shook her slightly. "What's wrong Buffy? Why is this happening again? You were doing so well here and now......" she let the words drift.

"Nothing is wrong mom. I'm doing fine.... I just—"

"No, Buffy. 'Doing fine' isn't scoring F's on the tests you decide you show up for. That isn't fine. Staying out till all hours of the night isn't okay either. "

"Mom... let me explain..."

"No." Joyce inhaled, drawing herself up to her full height. "No. You missed you chance to explain when you didn't show me the test." She stared Buffy straight in the eye. "Until your grades rise back into the normal zone you are forbidden to go out after school. No parties, no dances, no studying at Willow's. Nothing. If you need Willow's help she'll have to come over here. Am I clear?"

"But.... but... but that's not fair! I couldn't—" Buffy tried desperately to make her mother understand something she couldn't possibly. Buffy longed to tell her mom about her slaying at times like this, but she couldn't. If Joyce knew that her daughter was the Slayer, she would be in danger and that was something Buffy wouldn't risk. So she lied. She had to.

But Joyce wasn't finished yet. "And you'll remain in the house until school starts again. I cannot allow you to be out this late at night." She nodded her head, content with her parenting. The books would be proud. Taking a step back she indicated Buffy's assorted books and papers. "I think you have some work you can do. Take it upstairs."

Buffy was stunned. Her mother had never done anything like this to her before. Sure she had been grounded for a month after the incident with the gym back in LA, but that was expected. But this was totally different. She *was*_ doing well in school—compared to what her grades where before she moved to Sunnydale. Here she had real friends who helped her, not just with schoolwork, but with the slaying. She'd never had friends who knew about her other life. And Giles, though he could be stuffy, was a wonderful Watcher and friend. And now her mother was locking her away from them._

"Tonight. Buffy." Her mother's cold voice cut through her daze. Shaking herself out of it, she strode over to the table and gathered her things. Without looking at her mother, Buffy turned and started upstairs to her room. She was seething inside and she wanted to get away from the cause of her anger before she got into anymore trouble. But then she heard her mother mutter softly to herself something that wasn't meant for Buffy's ears, but that her spider senses enabled her to hear.

"Why can't you be a normal girl Buffy? What went wrong?" Joyce sighed then walked towards the kitchen, her footsteps loud then becoming muted as she drifted out of hearing range.

Buffy stood frozen of the steps, her knuckles white as she held her books in a death grip. She could feel her heart shatter and splinter into a thousand pieces. She made it to her room and dropped her books on her bed before sitting down next to them. Her eyes filled with tears as she opened her window and crawled out. She couldn't stay here any longer. Her mother's words seemed to float up the stairs and into her room, taunting her with their ugliness. But even after she jumped off the roof and started back into the night the words still followed.

"Why can't you be normal? What went wrong?" 

Huddled in a ball in the wet snow, her arms wrapped around her knees, Buffy started to weep. Her tears soaked her pants as she pressed her face to her knees; her breath made harsh choking sounds in the quiet night as she sobbed out her pain. _"I'm a freak. I'm no better then the monsters I kill. I'll never be normal. I'll never be the child my mother wants. I'm a failure." _

Buffy cried until her body was too drained, both physically and emotionally, to produce any more tears. Slowly her mind shutdown, exhausted from her emotional night. She never noticed that her face was numb from the cold, or that her body was shaking from exposure. As she drifted to sleep, she whispered a single word. A soft cry of help to the only person she truly felt loved by. "Angel......"

A snowflake drifted down and landed on her nose, melting slowly as other special creations drifted down from the sky.

To be continued...

Note- I'm sorry to say this but I don't have chapter three drafted yet. I'm acting in a local play right now and haven't been able to get to writing. Please hang in there, I *will* finish this story! Thank you for your support.

-LadyCallie 


	3. Passing Time

****

Authors notes- I am so sorry this took so long. Real life got in the way. Hope this was worth the wait. Thank you all for the support you've given. Also great thanks to QueenGwenyvere, my beta-boo and to Katy for threatening to kill me if I didn't write more and to my sister Amy, for hooking me on Buffy.

Disclaimers and goop are on the first page.

~*~

Angel slowly made his way down the snow-covered side street that led to his apartment. He didn't burrow into his duster, shivering, as most humans would have when the icy wind hit his exposed face, nor did his breath form miniature white clouds when he exhaled. After all, vampires couldn't freeze to death—they were already dead; and Angel hadn't drawn a real breath in over two hundred years. But the winter weather made his already cool skin uncomfortably cold to the touch. Angel hated it. He hadn't really noticed the difference between his flesh compared to that of a living person until Buffy came along. She was the first person he'd allowed to touch him, intimately, in almost a hundred years. She was always warm, and when he held her close some of her heat would penetrate his skin and he could pretend that he was normal, human just for a moment. But then it faded, and he felt the cold return.

Blinking against the snowflakes that still fell, he glanced up at the sky. "Probably close to two, maybe two-thirty even. Hard to tell with the snow and the cloud cover." Angel thought silently. "Buffy's probably asleep. These last few days have been a welcome break for her. She was pretty fried from that big test the other week. It's been fairly quiet on the slaying level too." Looking up Angel ruefully smiled. His feet had automatically taken him to Revello Drive, even though his mind had been elsewhere. His heart was always with Buffy. Looking up at her window, he noticed her bedroom light was out and smiled at the thought of her asleep in her bed. Were it not for the coat of ice and snow he would have considered climbing the tree and looking in her window. But the thought of slipping and injuring himself was not a welcome concept. 

Walking along, Angel thought to himself, "I know she's enjoying the snow too." The collection of snow angels and a slightly lopsided snowman in the front yard indicated Buffy and her friends had been active.... and the snowball marks on the windows spoke of a mighty battle.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Angel headed back the way he had come.

~*~

Angel wandered around town for another hour, loosing himself in thought. He was in no great rush to go home. He wandered through Weatherly park, past the high school and downtown. He thought about dropping by Willy the Snitch's bar, but decided not. Repeated visits that didn't include beating Willy to a pulp lessened the weasels fear of pain whenever he and Buffy needed information. Better to stay away.

Angel crossed the street and headed down a branch-off street, then turned left into the ally, taking the back entrance to his apartment building. The dirty street was lined with dumpsters and a large amount of trash from the restaurant at the corner of the ally. Snow covered everything, making it seem cleaner then it really was, although the show wasn't the brilliant white it was in the park.

Angel glanced towards his apartment door. Something was sitting in the snow at the foot of his door... it looked almost human.... 

"Oh my God!" 

Angel ran as fast as he could, his unbeating heart giving a pretty good impression of a heart attack. Angel dropped to his knees in front of the snow covered form. Quickly he brushed off the layers of snow, and his heart shattered in fear at what he saw beneath the frozen blanket.

"Buffy..."

~*~

TBC.

::ducks rotten fruit:: I know I know! Cliffhangers are evil and so am I because I wrote one. But never fear, chapter 4 is coming asap! Please review!

-LadyCallie 


	4. Helpless

Okay peeps, here you are. Enjoy it, and please leave reviews. Two notes**- Hypothermia is a very dangerous medical condition!** If you ever find someone and know or think they are hypothermic **CALL FOR MEDICAL ASSISTENCE ASAP!** If possible move the victim out of the cold and change them into warm, dry clothes while waiting for help. Also note that this is a fictional story about fictional characters, so I had to make allowances to the characters and the situation. Note two- Big hugs to QueenGwen for her tender loving beta work. 

Okay story time.

~*~

Angel couldn't move, couldn't think. His hand still rested on his love's shoulder. Buffy's eyes were closed, and snowflakes had frozen to her long lashes. Her normally rosy lips had turned a dark shade of violet and a layer of ice had formed above her upper lip. A good half inch of snow covered her body. For one mind-numbing second Angel feared she was dead. Then he noticed the tiny cloud of breath exiting her nose. Mentally Angel thanked every god and deity he'd ever heard of that she was alive. 

Suddenly realization hit Angel like a stake through the heart—she had to have been sitting here for several hours to look like this. Angel hurriedly brushed the snow off her body, noting painfully that she was huddled in a ball, her arms wrapped around her legs. 

Angel reached for the doorknob, wondering why Buffy hadn't let herself inand found it locked. "Damn it," he muttered, searching the pockets of his duster for the key. Finding it, he unlocked the door, not bothering to remove the key. Carefully he scooped Buffy into his arms, her body stiff with cold. Kicking the door shut with his foot, he rushed to the bed, laying Buffy down on top of the crimson comforter. Small bits of ice flaked off of her jacket and jeans as the fabric moved. _'I have to get her out of these clothes.'_ Angel thought as he sat next to her. '_I have to get her warm.' _The first thing that crossed Angel's mind was a piece of information he remembered picking up along the way—to warm up someone with hypothermia, the best way was with body heat. This required both parties to be naked. Had Angel not been so worried to the point of distraction about Buffy the thought of them getting naked might have made him blush. But then Angel's heart sank when he remembered that rule generally applied only when both parties had body heat to give. At second thought, his own body temperature probably matched hers. One of the down-falls of being a walking corpse.

Sighing, and trying not to let broodiness and anguish get the best of him, Angel did the next best thing to giving her his own body heat. Rapidly, he unzipped Buffy's coat, removing her from the frozen material. He removed her shoes, leaving her socks on. Getting up, he went to his dresser and pulled out a dark green sweater and a pair of cotton sweatpants. Returning to her side, he slowly eased her cold, unresponsive arms out of her shirt. Under normal circumstances Angel would have been concerned with modesty, but now he was too worried to care. Her skin was pale, her veins bright blue lines against her chilled flesh.

Slowly, for he was terrified that he would hurt her, Angel lifted her shirt over her shoulders and eased it over her head, supporting her back and neck with one arm. Tossing her top aside, Angel reached for his sweater and carefully enveloped Buffy in it. As he slid her arm through the sleeve, he noticed her finger tips had turned blue. "Oh Buffy, my love...what happened? Why were you out in the cold? And for so long...?" Gently he raised her tiny hand and kissed her chilled fingers. "Oh my love, my sweet love."

~*~

Angel covered Buffy with yet another blanket and checked the hot water bottle he had pressed against her back. Still warm, but he went back into his small kitchen and refilled the tea kettle anyway. Setting the full kettle on the burner, he went back to the bed. Buffy was incased in covers and warm towels, only her face left exposed. Angel reached for the bowl of warm water that sat on the bedside table, and wrung out the cloth that was inside. Tenderly he bathed Buffy's face with the tepid water. Brushing back a stray bit of her hair, Angel whispered quietly, "Come back Buffy... please come back."

~*~

Angel glanced at the clock; ten till five. It had been over two hours since he found Buffy in the snow and she still hadn't moved. Angel was scared; he didn't know what to do. Thanks in part to his vampire-enhanced hearing, he could tell her heart rate was lower then it should be, and she was breathing slower then normal, but he didn't think it had reached a life-threatening low. He couldn't be sure though, and calling the paramedics was out of the question. Not only was there a good foot of snow covering the ground, but they would ask lots of questions, and Angel did not have any answers. 

He couldn't remember a time when he had felt more helpless.

~*~

TBC

Yes I know I'm evil. And I'm sad to say I have nothing else written to date. I will finish, but it'll take some time. Please bear with me! -LadyCallie


	5. Little Lost Lamb

Author's notes: I am so sorry this took so long! I had the idea but my muse went to Denial Land (it's really quite lovely this time of year) and I didn't write. Again, many apologies. 

Special Dedication: This chapter is for Kat. Thanks to her shippy stories and threats of taking them away if I didn't finish my story. I don't know if it's "Hugs and Puppies" but it's gotta be close. Thank you Kat. Huggles to my beautiful beta QueenGwen for her beta work that I couldn't do with out and to MissKitty for her help in understanding what writing really is. J 

~*~

Angel sat on a chair beside the bed, holding one of Buffy's small hands to his forehead. With his enhanced hearing, he could hear her pulse, the slow beat of it soothing him, lulling him into darkness...

~*~

__

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow." 

Angel blinked, the bright sunlight momentarily blinding him. After his eyes adjusted, he noticed he was in a playground. A large sandbox was a few paces in front of him; shovels, buckets and other building tools lay scattered in the sand, some half buried. Several castles ruled the box, with sticks and small rocks for windows and turrets. Past the desert-in-a-box, two proud slides glistened in the sun. 

__

"And everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went. And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go."

A soft, childish voice floated in the gentle breeze, singing the familiar nursery rhyme. Angel turned, trying to locate the origin of the voice. He headed for the path that wove through the park.

__

"It followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day. It followed her to school one day, which was against the rules." 

The voice danced ahead of Angel's quickening footsteps. As he rounded a curve in the path, the source of the voice came into view. A large metal frame stood in a slight alcove off the path, surrounded by bushes, and three swings dangled on long chains from the highest bar.

"We can't be like Mary's lamb and break the rules again Mr. Gordo. Mommy is already mad at me and I don't want you get in trouble too."At the farthest swing, a small girl was gently pushing the swing back and forth. A bright pink stuffed pig was sitting in the seat. Angel stopped just out of the child's line of sight. The girl couldn't have been more then five, dressed in a light pink sundress with large yellow and white daisies on it, her curly golden-blond pigtails flashing in the sun, her small face smiling as she pushed the swing. She looked so familiar...

"Oh my god...Buffy..." Angel was stunned. Could this tiny child be Buffy as she had been years ago? She looked almost exactly like a picture Angel had once seen in the Summers' household—it had been Buffy when she was eight, with her mother. Buffy had been grinning from ear to ear as only a child could, holding the same pig that her younger self was playing with now. Angel also recalled seeing the toy in her bedroom. The first night he had spent the night at her house, after being injured in a vampire attack, he remembered faking sleep until he was sure Buffy was sleeping, and then spending the entire night watching her. That night she had held Mr. Gordo tight to her chest while she dreamed. Angel was positive now that the child playing before him was the Buffy he loved, only years younger.

The girl continued her song as she pushed her toy higher and higher. _"It made the children laugh and play, laugh and play, laugh and play. It made the children laugh and play to see the lamb at school."_

As theswing rushed back and forth, the small pig wobbled on the seat, and as reached its highest peak the toy flipped backwards and fell off, landing nose first in the gravel beneath the swing. 

The younger Buffy gasp and rushed to her friend. Quickly scooping the pig up, Buffy collapsed to the ground and cradled her toy. Angel was startled to see tears trickling down her cheeks as she wiped dirt off the fuzzy creature. "I'm so sorry Mr. Gordo," she cried. "I didn't mean to, please don't be angry...I'm sorry." She paused, setting the toy on the ground directly in front of her and looked deeply into its black beaded eyes. She was concentrating so hard that the unshed tears in her eyes waited for permission to fall. 

Angel was confused. _'What was she doing?'_ It almost looked like she was listening to the toy talk and waiting for an answer. He wanted to go to her, and take her in his arms and comfort her, but he restrained the urge; this Buffy didn't know him. And he could tell she was already scared, the last thing she needed was a stranger approaching her, and embracing her. 

As Angel watched, Buffy kept her attention on her toy. Suddenly her face paled, her back went ramrod straight, and her eyes got very wide. "No, no please..." All the playfulness of her voice was gone, replaced by fear. Her lips quivered, "I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm so sorry." She reached out her hand to touch the snout of the pig, but suddenly pulled back, screaming, "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!" Buffy staggered to her feet and ran towards the path, leaving the stuffed pig on the ground beneath the swing. 

Angel jumped, startled by her reaction, then rushed to follow her. Everything in him told him that if he let her out of his sight, he would loose her. His feet pounded the sidewalk as he chased the child. Ahead, he could hear Buffy crying, "I didn't mean it! Please, I didn't mean it!" as she ran. He narrowed the distance between them; her short legs were no match for his vampyric speed. Buffy stumbled on an uneven patch of sidewalk, and fell, hard. She cried out as her dress ripped and the rough pavement tore at her hands and knees.

"Buffy!" Angel yelled, dropping to her side, his duster billowing. She was huddled into a ball on the path, her wounded hands pressed close to her chest. "Buffy, are you okay?" No answer, no reaction. It was almost as if she hadn't heard him. Carefully he lifted the little girl into his arms. Her face was streaked with tears and dust; her eyes squeezed shut against the pain in her hands and knees. "Buffy," Angel breathed, gently brushing a piece of her hair out of her face. 

Buffy gasped and her eyes snapped open. And she screamed. "No! Leave me alone! Please!" She pushed at Angel, struggling to loosen his hold on her, her feet scrambled for footing. "Please!" She beat at his chest with her palms, wiggling franticly.

"Buffy, no!" Angel tightened his hold, though it broke his heart to see his beloved, even as a child, so scared of him. "Buffy please, it's me Buffy. It's Angel. Please remember..." The girl continued to squirm in his arms, and Angel continued to hold her, until she wore herself out too much to fight his embrace. Her small body trembling, her chest heaving from the struggle and her panicked run from the swings, she could do nothing but lay in his arms, sniffling. 

Angel sensed her calming and he relaxed, settling himself more comfortably on the ground. Slowly he adjusted his arms so that Buffy could see his face clearly. Her hazel-green eyes filled with tears, regarded his concerned chocolate brown ones. "Hello Buffy," he said, his voice sotto, gentle yet firm. 

"Hi." Her voice was watery. "How do you know my name?"

"I'm your—your mother's friend." Angel hated to lie, especially to Buffy, but he didn't want to scare her more. "Do you remember me?"

Her forehead furrowed, and her nose turned up as she thought. "No. What's your name?"

Angel smiled slightly, "My name is Angel, little one."

Buffy perked up a little, "Angel. That's a funny name."

"So is Buffy if you think about it."

She frowned, "Yeah, that's what the kids at school say. They tease me sometimes. But I just ignore them, like Mommy says to."

"That's probably a good idea. Where is your mother anyway? You're not old enough to be here alone."

Buffy sat up, "I am too. I'm five and a half years old. I can take care of myself." She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Angel softened, "I'm sure you can—"

"Besides, my Mommy said she needed alone time." The small blonde beauty hung her head with such sadness as Angel had never known in a child so young. "She's kinda mad at me." 

Her words and the grief behind them broke his heart. "Why would she be mad at you Buffy? Did something happen?"

The little girl fidgeted, idly playing with the buttons on Angel's shirt. "I don't know. I just came home and she was angry." Buffy looked up at Angel. "I don't like it when Mommy is mad. So I came here."

Things started snapping in place in Angel's mind. "Oh, I see," he said, being careful and gentle with his love in her dream state. "Why did you run away from the swings though?" He ran his fingers through a pigtail, enjoying the softness of her hair.

"Because," Her voice dropped and Angel leaned closer to hear her words, "Mr. Gordo said he didn't love me anymore and he wanted me to go away. He was mad that I let him fall off the swing." She rested her head against his chest, sniffling, and a small part of Angel's mind noted that even when Buffy was little she still fit in his arms perfectly. 

"But why did you run away?"

"Because I was scared," her little voice exclaimed, tears threatening to spill from her young eyes once more. She continued, "Nobody likes me. Not Mommy, not the kids at school, not even Mr. Gordo!" She was crying again, slow hot tears that soaked into Angel's shirt.

Angel held her tighter. "That's not true Buffy. Your mother loves you very much. And I'm sure that if you give Mr. Gordo some time he'll forgive you."

She shook her head, "No they won't. No one will ever love me."

Angel didn't hesitate in his answer, "I love you Buffy. I always have."

The girl pulled back from his chest, and turned to look him dead in the eyes. "Angel?" He nodded, urging her to continue. "Will you take care of me?"

"Of course I will. I'll do everything in my power to protect you."

The child closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were different; older, almost. "Angel, it's so dark here. I'm scared. Where are you Angel?"

Angel frowned, "What do you mean? I'm right here Buffy."

The five year old shivered, and started to pull away from Angel. "I looked for you, but you weren't there. You didn't come Angel." Her voice sounded older and yet child-like in its utter brokenness and despair. "You didn't come."

The vampire was scared now. He grabbed the girl's shoulders and shook her, trying to break her of whatever held her mind. "Buffy! I'm right here. Look at me Buffy. I'm right here."

She was trembling strongly now and her eyes were clamped shut. "Angel where are you? I need you. Please. Angel!" Her voice was changing into the one Angel would know if he was deaf, the older voice she would grow into, not the youthful chirp she'd had as a child. 

Angel cupped her face with his hands. "Buffy listen to me. I am right here. I haven't left you. I'll never leave you. Come back to me Buffy...please. I love you." His voice was so earnest, so sincere, so urgent and begging. "Come back to me!" He lowered his face until his nose was nearly touching hers. "I'm right here beloved. Come back..."

"Come back."

"Come back."

"Come back..."

~*~

Buffy gasped and lurched upright, crying, "Angel!"

Angel jerked awake, dropping Buffy's hand and falling off his chair as he woke. "What—Buffy?" He shook his head, convinced he was still dreaming. Buffy was sitting in his bed, staring at him with glassy eyes, a massive collection of blankets surrounding her. Angel blinked as he sat on the bed beside her. He reached out and tenderly brushed her cheek, her nose, her lips, her forehead. She gazed at him, following his eyes with hers. "You're alive. You're awake." Angel's voice broke, "Oh god Buffy. I was so scared...I thought I lost you—"

"Angel..." Her voice was weak, and she leaned deeply into the hand that pressed against her face. She inhaled, savoring the scent that was purely him. "Angel."

Angel leaned in and kissed her lips before moving the covers aside as he climbed in beside her. Gently, he enfolded Buffy in his arms, laying her on his chest, cradling her close. Angel felt Buffy sigh as she burrowed closer to him. He kissed the top of her head before allowing himself to drift back to sleep.

"I'll never leave you..."

~*~

Hahahaa! There you are! I will hopefully start on chapter 6 ASAP. Reviews are a nice encouragement ::hint hint:: Till next time—LadyCallie


	6. Once Upon a Time...

Authors notes: This chapter is the first collaboration of LadyCallie and QueenGwen. I couldn't have done it without you boo. Lets do it again k? ;) Dum dum dum, no other notes. Read, review, enjoy.

~*~

It wasn't sound that woke Buffy, it was the lack of sound. The apartment was silent except for the sound of her breathing and the soft ticking of a wall clock in the kitchen. From her heads resting place on Angel's chest she blinked sleep from her eyes. She tried shifting into a more comfortable position and was unable to stop the whimper of pain that escaped her throat as stiff muscles protested against movement. Besides her, Angel stirred. Titling his head to better see her, he gazed lovingly down at the beauty that was spooned against his side. "Are you okay?"

"Good morning to you too," she smiled up at him, but when he didn't respond she lowered her eyes, "I think so...I should be okay..."

Angel turned on his side, supporting his head with a propped up elbow. He reached over with his free hand to caress her cheek. "I don't want a yes or no answer Buffy. I nearly lost you last night..." his voice broke slightly and the hand that stroked her face stilled. "I nearly lost you."

"Shhhh, no you didn't. I'm right here," She moved the hand on her face to her chest, directly over her heart. She watched his face as he felt her heart beating, strong and steady. His eyes closed and all the worry and fear melted away. Her hand covered his and she let herself relax.

They stayed like that for several minuets until Buffy tried to adjust her position again. She cried out quietly as jolts of fire raced through her legs and back. Angel started, growling softly. He sat up and quickly scanned the room for the cause of Buffy's pain. Seeing nothing threatening, he turned back to her. Brushing his fingers over her face, he queried, "What's wrong?"

She winced, "It's my back and my...I hurt and I can't move." She tried moving again and whimpered.

"Let me." Angel crawled out of the covers and stood up. He hurriedly fluffed several pillows and then pulled several layers of blankets off the bed, till only the comforter remained. Drawing it back, sat down next to her. "I'm going to roll onto your back okay? Stop me if it hurts too much." She nodded. Reaching under her tiny form he lifted her enough to turn her on her stomach. She flinched, but didn't cry out. He settled her down again and arranged pillows along her sides and placed with tender care, her arms atop them. Moving closer to her, he started to gently massage her back. She sighed, closing her eyes. Angel's hands slowly traveled along her back, down her arms and legs, along her shoulders and neck. He patiently worked out every knot until it softened, smoothed the kinks till they vanished. He loosened the taunt muscles until Buffy could move with out pain. He stilled his magic hands, but left them resting on her back. "Better now?"

"Ummhmm," Buffy muttered sleepily. "Much better."

Angel smiled as he started to help her move back onto her back, "Wait beloved. I have a better idea." He gathered the pillows and arranged them in a pile, then he climbed out of bed and with a quick kiss on her forehead, left the bedroom.

Buffy lay there, waiting. After a moment she turned her head, but he wasn't visible from her position. Starting to worry, she called, "Angel?"

Bare seconds later he was beside her. "What's the matter?" He had changed into a pair of dark navy cotton drawstring pants and had abandoned his shirt. He had a cream colored long sleeved button down shirt in his hand.

__

'Angel. Shirtless. Whoa.' Buffy shook herself mentally and she blushed slightly, "Nothing...I was just worried..." she looked up at him through her long lashes.

Angel shifted, aware of her stare. "I um, I brought a different shirt in case you want to change into something lighter." He indicated the garment in his hand.

"Oh..." she assessed herself. She really liked the sweater he had dressed her in. It carried his scent, sandalwood and ginger blended together, and it was very soft. "Can I just stay in this?" 

He nodded, "Sure," then busied himself with straightening the coverlet. That finished he crawled back in bed and reached over to her. Carefully he scooped her into his arms and settled her in his arms, as he eased back against the pillows. Angel pulled the covers over them as Buffy buried her face in his neck. She lifted her hand and idly traced his facial features. 

Angel sighed, feeling his love for her spread through his entire being. At the same time, he knew that whatever had caused her crumple on his doorstep was still haunting her. He knew Buffy well enough to know she would not be forthcoming if he out and out asked her what was wrong. She would feel as though she was being attacked, and the last thing Angel wanted to do was cause her more pain. "Whatever is hurting you," he ventured gently, kissing the crown of her head. "I wish I could take that burden from you. If I could, I'd protect you from everything in the world that could hurt you."

Smiling ruefully, Buffy kissed Angel's bare chest. "I know," she said, sighing. Angel could protect from all the demons and baddies in the world, but when it came to her mom….there weren't enough tomes in Giles' library to solve that problem.

"How can I make it better?" Angel whispered huskily, his lips deliciously close to her ear, tickling her and sending magnificent shivers down her spine.

"Well," she said, sighing lightly, "When I was little and didn't feel well my mom used to tell me a bedtime story." She tried to hide the pain in her voice when mentioning her mother. She looked up at Angel, unsure if he caught the emotion in her voice. His visage was unreadable. 

"You want me to tell you a bedtime story?" he asked, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a slight smile. 

"Why not?" she replied, her voice sounding very much like that of the little girl Angel had encountered in their dream. 

"It's nearly noon you know," he chided. 

"Please, Angel," Buffy begged. 

The tone of her voice wrenched his heart. He sighed, "What kind of story do you want to hear?"

She squirmed delightedly, then settled comfortably beside him, her head pillowed on his bare chest. She laid her arm across his abdomen and languidly played with the drawstrings on his pants. She looked up at him, "A happy one please."

"Oh thanks. That was a big help," he said sarcastically, summoning all this mental fortitude to ignore where her hands were. She grinned at his tone. Angel smiled back and dropped several kisses on her brow. He inhaled, and while the oxygen did nothing for him, he caught the scent that was Buffy and the delicious flavor of her scent blended with his own from the sweater.

"Angel?" 

He chuckled, she was getting inpatient. "Alright. How about this—Once upon a time, a long, long time ago..."

Buffy snuggled close, relaxing as Angel's soothing voice surrounded her. "Mmm," she murmured. "I like it so far."

Angel chuckled and continued, "Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there lived a beautiful princess, the most beautiful in all the land. She was lovely and kind, strong and powerful, good and fair. She was loved by all the kingdom, because of all the good things she did for them."

"What'd she do?" Buffy asked innocently.

Angel grinned, "Well, she made sure all her people had plenty to eat, were sheltered and clothed, wanting for nothing. She protected everyone within her kingdom, because she wanted everyone to be as safe and happy as she was. She often looked to her royal advisors when she needed wisdom and guidance. She also looked to her father, the King. Now, he was not her biological father, but was a father nevertheless, having married the princess's mother after her first husband died in battle." He looked at Buffy out of the corner of his eye, having felt her flinch when he said the word "mother." The wheels started turning in Angel's head.

"One day, the King went off to a royal summit, to meet with Kings from other kingdoms, so that all the land would live in peace, leaving the princess and the queen at the castle. Some of the princess's advisors went with the King, and only one advisor was left in the castle. Days went by, and the princess and queen went about their lives. But both women were headstrong and fierce and one day they got into a quarrel—"

"Angel," Buffy started, looking up at him.

"Let me finish your bedtime story," he insisted firmly, yet gently. When she did not resist, but instead returned her head to his chest, he took that as permission to continue. 

"The queen and the princess quarreled so much that the princess left the castle, deciding she needed a walk in the woods to cool off. Now, winter was coming, and the days were getting shorter, so before the princess knew it, it was dark and snowy. The princess had wandered farther than she had intended, and in the dark, she was entirely lost. Frightened, the princess turned and walked back the way she had come, hoping to see something familiar."

Angel stole a glance at Buffy and discovered her eyes were closed, but by the rhythm of her breathing, he could tell she was still awake. He continued, "In the mean time, the queen grew dreadfully worried, because she feared for her daughter's safety. She knew that their quarrel had gotten out of control and all she wanted was her daughter back. Desperate, she turned to the advisor, bidding him to go and rescue the princess."

"Hey," Buffy mumbled into his chest. "Shouldn't a prince rescue the princess?"

"No," Angel said. "The advisor loved the princess with his whole heart, but he was just who he was. Nothing more. Nothing less. So he set out into the night, in search of the missing princess. After many hours, he found her, huddled underneath the tree she loved to climb in during the summer months. He remembered having many long chats with the princess in and under this very same tree. Scooping the snow-covered and sleeping princess up in his arms, the advisor assumed the princess had lost her sense of direction in the dark. She was closer to the castle than either had anticipated. He brought her back to the palace, and after the queen changed the princess out of her wet clothes and tucked her into bed, she wept in front of the advisor.

__

"I love my daughter," she said, sobbing. "I didn't mean to drive her away."

The advisor took her hand, "I love your daughter too, your majesty. And she loves you. When she wakes, apologize to her. You both should apologize to each other. Whatever it is that made you quarrel cannot be worth losing your special bond as parent and child. I know you only want the best for your daughter, but she is a grown woman and you need to trust her."

"I know," the queen admitted. 

All through the night, the queen sat by the princess's bed. In the morning, when the princess woke, the queen took her daughter in her arms and held her, weeping and apologizing for their misunderstanding. The princess too began to weep, but they were happy tears. She loved her mother, and she was glad their quarrel was over. As for the advisor, he was glad things were mended between the queen he served and the princess he loved. From that day forward, he vowed to himself that he would not only advise her, but protect her as well, so that he would never again have to find the princess asleep in the snow. He would not fight her battles for her; not all of them at least. But he vowed to always be there for her, with nothing but unconditional love. The end."

Angel looked down and saw his princess looking back up at him, her beautiful eyes full of tears. "How did you know?' she asked, mystified.

He kissed the top of her head, "I know you." Her touched her chest over her heart, "The real you. And I love you all the more for it."

Hot tears fell on his chest as she cried. He moved down until he was face to face with her, and held her close, gently sipping her sorrow away with soft kisses. 

As Sleep laced her web around the lovers, Buffy opened an eye and whispered, "Stay with me?"

Angel nuzzled her nose with his, "Forever. That's the whole point."

~*~

TBC


End file.
